So whether some of you know or not, I was a smoker. David and I have been smoking in our relationship since the day we met. I have attempted to quit time and time again. But David has not. So we decided that it would be best if we quit together this time. I knew I wanted it to be after the new year, and since David wanted to choose a random day, he picked the 15th of January.
I knew that this was something that we could do. But I didn't think I had the strength to actually quit. So we decided to ad some incentive. We announced that if anyone caught us smoking and had proof or announced it out to others, we would pay them $5. Yep, $5 every time we smoked. So you think that would make it harder for us to smoke.
Well yesterday, that didn't even matter to me. Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have ever had. David and I were snapping at each other over the dumbest things. It was just arguing for the sake of arguing. I ended up having to leave the house to just get away.
While I was out, I just kept thinking, what if I bought a pack and didn't tell David. But I knew he would smell it on me. I kept thinking of some way to get away with it, but the honest truth was that I just couldn't lie to my husband. I couldn't cheat on a promise I made with my husband. So I have been sticking it out and being grumpy.
The night was getting better but could only go so far. So here I am writing on day 2, desperately wanting a smoke and trying to distract myself with more shopping. I think that shameful part of this all is that it took me this whole time to just realize that I needed to quit. It's a horrible nasty habit and I knew that once we get through the next 2 weeks we will start to be better. But I want to be healthier and I want to be happy and not need an addictive substance to help me complete my day. So here we go... Day 3!
No comments:
Post a Comment