I almost gave up.

It is now day 5. I hope day 5 goes a lot better than day 4. Everything seemed great! I talked to you yesterday and everything seemed achievable. I got out of work and met David with some vendors for dinner. We went to Fuddruckers and I have been counting my calories and was able to afford adding a 1/3lb burger to my dinner choice. Everything went well, we had some great conversation and after dinner, decided to meet for a drink.
We went to this bar called Third Base. It is a little pricey but they have Golden Tee, and we love some Golden Tee. I had 2 drinks and at 8:30, decided it was time to go home. So I packed it up, said bye to David and our vendors and went home. One the way home I decided to call my mother to catch up and tell her how well we are doing with our none smoking. Conversation was civil and pleasant. Then she brought of what is occurring in her family...

Let me side track before we get into this. They are not my family. David and I have chosen to create our own life and we are very happy in our life. And there are people from my mother's side that do not understand the concept of "being kind to everyone" and like to create mole hills out of ant hills. They drive me crazy so we chose to stay very far away from them. And I know that every family is dysfunctional, but it literally makes my stomach turn and make me sick that I have a blood relation to people that are such disgustingly, horribly disappointing of people.

So after hearing about these people's new adventure in hurting more people, I was ready to go buy a pack and smoke. I was so upset and couldn't get the situation out of my head. After I finished my phone call with my mother I was talking to my roommate, Aradia in the kitchen. I was trying to make sense of how a human being could choose to be such a evil, horrible person to this world. How they could be so lost? I ended up texting David that I quit quitting. Immediately he was ready to quit too and buy a pack. Then I realized that I can't really lean on him for this because he is just as pressured as I am. We are like a house of cards ready to break for just one more cigarette. So after talking to Aradia for a bit, I realized I didn't want to start over. It was only day 4 and I was not going to give up. I know that I am stronger and better than that. And I wouldn't let people that are not even worth this stress to allow me to go back to something so negative. So I held my head up high, texted David that we are not giving up and went to bed. I feel asleep pretty quickly and woke up this morning for another workout.

I had trouble getting myself together this morning. I blame the fact that I had alcohol yesterday and I know that is just poison to my body when I am working out. So I can tell you it will be a while til I do that again. After finally getting everything in order, I got my workout in. It was only 45 min and of course I wish it was longer but I am really trying to stay positive in regard to this change I have in my life. I can only allow good in my life right now.
I know putting all of this information out into the internet could always cause an issue. But I don't think a lot of people read my blog and honestly I don't really care. I haven't stated any names, so if some how someone sees this posts and is assuming it is them, then that is something they have to deal with their selves. I have placed it out into the universe and out of my system. I push out of the poison and start off with good.

And if you have a problem with that!.... well then talk to the hand my friend because I am quitting smoking and don't need that negativity anywhere near me. I'm gonna quit and no one can stop me.