I almost gave up.

It is now day 5. I hope day 5 goes a lot better than day 4. Everything seemed great! I talked to you yesterday and everything seemed achievable. I got out of work and met David with some vendors for dinner. We went to Fuddruckers and I have been counting my calories and was able to afford adding a 1/3lb burger to my dinner choice. Everything went well, we had some great conversation and after dinner, decided to meet for a drink.
We went to this bar called Third Base. It is a little pricey but they have Golden Tee, and we love some Golden Tee. I had 2 drinks and at 8:30, decided it was time to go home. So I packed it up, said bye to David and our vendors and went home. One the way home I decided to call my mother to catch up and tell her how well we are doing with our none smoking. Conversation was civil and pleasant. Then she brought of what is occurring in her family...

Let me side track before we get into this. They are not my family. David and I have chosen to create our own life and we are very happy in our life. And there are people from my mother's side that do not understand the concept of "being kind to everyone" and like to create mole hills out of ant hills. They drive me crazy so we chose to stay very far away from them. And I know that every family is dysfunctional, but it literally makes my stomach turn and make me sick that I have a blood relation to people that are such disgustingly, horribly disappointing of people.

So after hearing about these people's new adventure in hurting more people, I was ready to go buy a pack and smoke. I was so upset and couldn't get the situation out of my head. After I finished my phone call with my mother I was talking to my roommate, Aradia in the kitchen. I was trying to make sense of how a human being could choose to be such a evil, horrible person to this world. How they could be so lost? I ended up texting David that I quit quitting. Immediately he was ready to quit too and buy a pack. Then I realized that I can't really lean on him for this because he is just as pressured as I am. We are like a house of cards ready to break for just one more cigarette. So after talking to Aradia for a bit, I realized I didn't want to start over. It was only day 4 and I was not going to give up. I know that I am stronger and better than that. And I wouldn't let people that are not even worth this stress to allow me to go back to something so negative. So I held my head up high, texted David that we are not giving up and went to bed. I feel asleep pretty quickly and woke up this morning for another workout.

I had trouble getting myself together this morning. I blame the fact that I had alcohol yesterday and I know that is just poison to my body when I am working out. So I can tell you it will be a while til I do that again. After finally getting everything in order, I got my workout in. It was only 45 min and of course I wish it was longer but I am really trying to stay positive in regard to this change I have in my life. I can only allow good in my life right now.
I know putting all of this information out into the internet could always cause an issue. But I don't think a lot of people read my blog and honestly I don't really care. I haven't stated any names, so if some how someone sees this posts and is assuming it is them, then that is something they have to deal with their selves. I have placed it out into the universe and out of my system. I push out of the poison and start off with good.

And if you have a problem with that!.... well then talk to the hand my friend because I am quitting smoking and don't need that negativity anywhere near me. I'm gonna quit and no one can stop me.

What is that smell?

*Sniff Sniff* What is that? Can you smell that!? Is that... clean air? Why, yes. Yes it is....


The hard part about smoking is that you always smell like smoke. I remember when I was little I could smell it on anyone and I hated the way it smelled. I hated it so much that I swore up and down that I would never ever smoke ever! But then fast forward to the time where it was very important to be part of the cool crowd. Peer pressure got to me and I found myself sitting on top of a roof smoking a cigarette with my best friend. And now after many years I have been able to quit, but I forgot about all the things that I can do now that I have quit smoking.
A friend of mine pointed out it helps to make goals for every milestone I make in my quest to quit. She said she knew someone who got their teeth whitened after they quit for a certain amount. I am taking that idea very seriously. But there is one thing that I want to do before I celebrate anything else. And that is to go back to Enchanted Rock.
I know for a lot of you out there, enchanted rock was such an easy climb and has good memories for you, but for a smoker I saw it as a personal hell. The last time I went to Enchanted Rock was when David and I were dating. I remember being so embarrassed because I just couldn't keep pace and constantly found myself wanting to stop and the constant craving of a cigarette. So now, when we go- I'm going to get to the top, hopefully not out of breath and I am also planning to do a little Rocky jump when I get the top.
Also to make sure I don get tired, I have been increasing my workout. This morning I got myself out of bed at 5 and got dressed and out the door at 5:15. My goal is to get up at 4:45 and get out the door at 5. I was able to get a 75 min work out this morning and I loved every minute of it. I pumped my iron and it got so intense that they asked me to leave for bringing these guns on the premises. (Point to my Biceps) - So yea my workout went well and has been getting better since I have quit. But it not only about working out and getting more done. The most important thing to me is the way I smell. (Full Circle!)
I have always smelled like smoke, and I just bought a bunch of Dolce and Gabbana perfume and Victoria's Secret Lotion. I don't want to smell like smoke! So now, at the end of the day- I don't smell like smoke... I smell like a lady! And I'm not sure if you knew but the scent of a woman could make you go "whooraaah!" So it is Day 4. I can breath clean air. I smell good at the end of the day. I feel cleaner. My workout this morning was awesome. And I know once I accomplish this then I can take on all the other things I have had on my list for a while.

Ten On Tuesday.

Decided to add some Ten on Tuesday to my blog this week. Lucky you!

1. What’s your favorite color to paint your nails?
I do not paint my nails. I actually get my nails done once every 2 weeks. Yes, fake nails with square tip french manicure. My goal is to eventually ween on the fake nail and just get a mani and pedi every two weeks.

2. Do you like to sneeze?
ummm. no. Sometimes I have to sneeze and it gets stuck half way and I'm staring at a light bulb trying to convince myself I need to sneeze, that is the only time I like to sneeze because it is a lot less uncomfortable than standing there squinty face staring at a light.

3. How often do you fill up your car with gas?
I am trying to get in the habit of filling up my car when it gets to the half mark. The only reason is I am in constant fear that the zombie apocalypse is on it's way and it is suggested if in a emergency to have at least half a tank in your car to take you to another city. But let's be honest, they say to have a bike to escape zombie because they can't hear a bike coming. But I also don't mind hitting zombies down with my hemi.

4. Were you named after anyone?
So.... my family is religious. I was raised Catholic, and if I remember the story correctly.. When my mother was pregnant with me she had a dream that the Virgin Mary came to her to tell her she would have a daughter and to name it Elizabeth. There was more to it, but that basic point of it is that I am named after the Virgin Mary's sister.

5. Have you made any good recipes lately?
One last night.... Baked Lemon Chicken - it was really great. I did for serving of two, but same mushroom sauce as the 6 serving. And I added Lemon zest and garlic. And and I cooked the chicken on the stove. It was really really great! Then we had sugar free cheesecake pudding with strawberries. So yum!

6. What’s an easy money-saving tip that you use regularly?
Just get the sandwich. No need to get a combo meal or sides. The main meal is usually going to be enough food for you.

7. Would you rather have a sore throat or an ear ache?
neither. I constantly have an ache in my ear and I hate sore throats- so both are no wins for me.

8. Do you have any scars? What are they from?
I have a tiny little scar on my right hand. It's on the knuckle for my pointer finger. I was really young when I got it but I am pretty sure it was from when some lady in my neighborhood was walking her dog and I put my hand out to pet the dog, the dog bit me, the lady ran off. So guess who was screaming crying and had to get taken to the Hospital on Sunday night... it's not a fond memory.

9. What are you “known for” in your circle of friends/family?
Well I think I can only hold this title for so long until someone takes it from me, but as of now I think I can say I am known for throwing a great party. Within 2 months we had a Housewarming party, Thanksgiving Pot Luck Dinner and a New Years Eve Party. I am tired of throwing parties! But I have had fun at each and every one of those! Totally worth everything we had to go through to make them happen.

I guess with my family I am known for always bringing smiles. I really enjoy that I make my family laugh with my silliness.

10. How do you like to eat your pancakes?
If I wasn't counting calories and could eat whatever I wanted, a whole bunch of buttah! not butter, but buttah! and a side bowl of syrup to dip my pieces in. With fried eggs. and turkey bacon....*drool* turkey bacon. But I went to Ihop and I had to get a Fit to eat Omelet and had a pancake. That's what I can eat now.

Don't Quit, Quitting.

"Don't Quit Quitting" is what my co-worker, Bryan told me this morning. I went to work trying to be in the best mood I possibly could be in. I woke up early to work out and ended up waking up a little later. So instead of rushing to the gym and only getting in a 30 min work out, I decided to work out at home dancing my butt off to the Michael Jackson dance game (which is amazing!) I got the highest score to the dance of Thriller and felt my day already being awesome.
I went to pick up a co-worker I carpool with and had a great ride to work. Even squeezed in some time to get a yummy smoothie for breakfast. And the second I walked into work, one employee said that wrong thing to me with the wrong tone and then Angry Elizabeth with Nicotine craving came out. I was in a bad mood and did not want to be dealt with. So I went to my office to try to get some work done, but there are other people that work in my building and like to talk with their mouth all loud like in the next cube about work! I'm trying to work here! So I decided to move to my Training Room where no one knows where I am or can bother me. So far it's working really well for me. I have actually gotten a lot of work done and decided to take a mental health break to write in my blog.
But today is not comparing to yesterday. Yesterday was actually a lot easier for me than it was for David. We went to have breakfast at Ihop, that their customer service alone made me want to smoke a whole pack right there. Then I went shopping in San Marcos outlet centers and bought lots of fun stuff from Victoria's Secret. Everything was great til I got home.
I will be honest, the main thing that is keeping me from smoking is David. I know that if I give up then he will give up. It's a cause and effect. So he keeps me from smoking. But that doesn't mean I have to like him while I am giving up smoking. We get on each others nerves worse than we ever have before.
Any little thing that would usually lead to a joke or a chuckle is just turning us into a boxing match. So we take our punches and snap at each other, but when we go into our corners we remember what is happening to us and declare our love for each other before we start dueling it out again. The only thing that reminds me why is because we are so comfortable with being ourselves in front of each other; if I am going to take it out on anyone its going to be him because I know he loves me and can calm me down. And that's what he usually does. While we snip at each other logic will come out of the other one and then we realize what is really going on (nicotine withdrawal) and then we calm down.
But so far we have 2 days down and the rest of our lives to go. I know we can do it and one day I wont think about having a smoke a million times a day. I think one of the hardest part is that after the weekend I have had to to remove myself from my friends because they smoke. I know I am not strong enough to stand on my own and avoid temptation, so I avoid it. This little adventure will show a lot about myself and I keep approaching it with as much positivity that I can find.

The Shame of Quitting

So whether some of you know or not, I was a smoker. David and I have been smoking in our relationship since the day we met. I have attempted to quit time and time again. But David has not. So we decided that it would be best if we quit together this time. I knew I wanted it to be after the new year, and since David wanted to choose a random day, he picked the 15th of January.
I knew that this was something that we could do. But I didn't think I had the strength to actually quit. So we decided to ad some incentive. We announced that if anyone caught us smoking and had proof or announced it out to others, we would pay them $5. Yep, $5 every time we smoked. So you think that would make it harder for us to smoke.
Well yesterday, that didn't even matter to me. Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have ever had. David and I were snapping at each other over the dumbest things. It was just arguing for the sake of arguing. I ended up having to leave the house to just get away.
While I was out, I just kept thinking, what if I bought a pack and didn't tell David. But I knew he would smell it on me. I kept thinking of some way to get away with it, but the honest truth was that I just couldn't lie to my husband. I couldn't cheat on a promise I made with my husband. So I have been sticking it out and being grumpy.
The night was getting better but could only go so far. So here I am writing on day 2, desperately wanting a smoke and trying to distract myself with more shopping. I think that shameful part of this all is that it took me this whole time to just realize that I needed to quit. It's a horrible nasty habit and I knew that once we get through the next 2 weeks we will start to be better. But I want to be healthier and I want to be happy and not need an addictive substance to help me complete my day. So here we go... Day 3!

Ten On Tuesday.

Ten on Tuesday

Thanks to Roots and Rings for this weeks TOT. Sorry I have 2 for today- but catching up on the blog since I have been so busy recently.

1.What do you order at Starbucks?
Triple – Grande – Sugar Free Vanilla – Nonfat – 1 Sweet N Low – 1 Splenda – 160 degrees – extra foam – Latte.

Or…

Triple – Grande – 3pump – Nonfat – Light Whip – 160 degrees – White Mocha.

Don’t judge me- I used to work at Starbucks and it took me 2 years to figure out my signature drink.

2. Where is your favorite place to eat breakfast?
There used to be this placed called Maggie’s in San Antonio. They have shut down so now all my childhood memories are lost in some business that has taken that building over. Next to Maggies would be my kitchen. Man, when my husband and I get together to make breakfast, we do not mess around. Ask any of our wonderful friends that have gotten to sleep over. The Balentines throw it down when it comes to breakfast!

3. Are you on Twitter? Why or why not?
Well yes I am. But I will not put this out to the world. My twitter account is private but since the only person who reads is my mom, I think I will have to pass on my twitter name. So she won’t stalk me more than she already does. But I enjoy the twitter. It’s the fast food of the social networks.

4. What is your favorite Christmas movie?
Scrooged. I love Bill Murray and that movie is the best Christmas Movie hands down. But a Christmas Story is in a good standing for 2^nd place. “You’ll shoot your eye out!”

5. Are you a good gift giver?
I think I am an amazing gift giver. I really try to think long and hard what you would enjoy most. I try to make sure my gifts are something that you will use more than once.

6. Do you like your handwriting? Bonus points for posting a picture.
It’s not horrible. I used to be jealous of the girls that would have the bubble handwriting, but whatever. I have my own and the older than I get the more my handwriting looks like my moms.

7. Is your signature legible? Bonus points for posting a picture.
For the most part. In high school I met this guy who was taking a calligraphy class, so he taught me different ways to sign my name. I find it very elegant and classy.

8. Have you ever been to New York during Christmas season?
Nope. I wouldn’t want to. It’s already cold enough here, and then on top of being with too many people- not my idea of a fun time.

9. Are there any items that you are completely brand loyal?
Alcohol. When we throw a party or get a bottle for the liquor cabinet, we don’t settle for anything crappy. You might as well like it if you are spending more than $20 for a beverage.

10. Who is your favorite public speaker?
Michelle Obama. Her speech at the Democratic convention before Obama got elected brought me to tears and made me believe in the strength in our country to overcome an situation.

Ten On Tuesday.

Ten on Tuesday

Ten on Tuesday is provided to us by the Lovely Chelsea from Roots and Rings.

1. Where are you from? Have you lived there your whole life?

I am from San Antonio. It’s a cute town. I think it would be great to raise a family in San Antonio but I didn’t enjoy growing up in it. Now compared to Austin, it just can’t touch it. Sorry San Antonio, but you aren’t even in my top 10 of cities to live in as long as I live in Austin.

2. How would you classify your clothing style?

Anything comfortable? When I started my job I would wear cute sweaters and shirts with blue jeans and boots. Then my boss said I couldn’t wear jeans unless it is Friday. So now I wear a bunch of other somewhat comfortable things, but I always look forward to Friday to wear my Jeans and Boots.

3. What kind of car do you drive?

2010 Dodge Charger. Oh did I mention I have a Hemi. Yes a hemi. I love my car. And I bet if we were to compare vehicles, I would probably love my car more than you love yours.

Yea, in case you already forgot. I have a Hemi.

4. What would your dream home look like if you could have it (or already do!)?

I have my dream house! We started looking about 6 months before we found it. We weren’t ready to sign, just looking every night before I went to bed to familiarize myself with the market and what to expect for price and size. I did my homework. And then I found our house. It was perfect- not one thing I would change. We were sure some one else would get it before us, but then we found out why it was on the market forever. It was a short sale. So we went through 3 months of hell to get to our heaven. It’s almost 2500 sq ft, tile floors, crown molding, matching accents on all the hardware and the best backyard I have ever seen. Damn we got lucky and I love our dream house.

5. Do you have kids, and if so, how many and how old were you when you had them?
Nope, no human kids. But we do have 3 beautiful dogs. Copeland, Johnny and Ella. We named them all after singers and they all have their own personality. They are our children and will always be.

6. What is your favorite hobby?

Hula Hooping. I should do it more often but the cold kind of stiffs you up and then it’s not as fun to go hoop. But I love it and I’m ok. But our roommate does an amazing job!

7. Are you going to have any New Year’s resolutions for 2011?

David and I will be quitting smoking. Yes, we are smokers. I hate it. I have hated it for years. And I have tried to quit many times but it just doesn’t catch. So we are doing it together. We are sticking to it and we will get it done!

8. What is something, if anything, that you’d want to change about yourself?

I wish I didn’t worry as much as I do. And I worry about everything that I can’t control. If I call you and I know you usually call back in the hour but I haven’t heard from you, I swear that I already am planning what to say to your funeral because the only way you wouldn’t call me back is because you were kidnapped by an escaped prisoner and they are holding you ransom, which I can’t afford, so they’ll just kill you and steal all of your clothes.

9. What is something that you love about yourself?

I am creative. I got it from my mother.

10. Pick one of the following: Someone to cook for you, someone to do your laundry, or someone to do your dishes.

Dishes!!! I won’t touch them. They are disgusting. I would clean a toilet and fold and make food for you any day. But dishes? I won’t even look at them.