Ten on Tuesday

1. What is your favorite zoo to visit?

I really have only been to the zoo in San Antonio and in Austin. For some reason every time I go out of town to visit a city the one thing I want to do is to check out the zoo and no one wants to go with me.

2. Do you visit a zoo very often?

So far I have been about once a year? When I was a nanny, the last day I had with the two boys I watched, I took them to San Antonio to see the zoo so the little one could see an elephant.

3. Do you have a membership to a zoo?

Nope. And even when David and I have a child, we probably won’t have one either, the Austin Zoo is kind of sad. Like really sad.

4. When you visit a zoo, do you stay all day or just an hour or two?

Well the San Antonio Zoo is probably a full day event where Austin after 2 hours you have seen everything.

5. Do you buy food at the zoo or pack a picnic lunch?

I had no idea that in San Antonio you could bring your own food and drinks. But in high school we once packed a lunch then went in the zoo. It’s was fun.

6. What is your favorite animal to see at the zoo?

The elephants. I get really excited when I get to see them

7. What is your least favorite animal to see at the zoo?

That’s kind of a mean question. Aren’t we suppose to love all animals? I guess if I had to be honest, my least favorite animal is all of those spoiled rotten children. You know the ones where the parents prefer to not use the word ‘no’ in their household and their child is allowed to run around like a crazy animal causing havoc while the dim-witted parents stares in an absent gaze thinking their child is a genius. If I were an animal, I would be waiting for the moment the gate broke so I could have one for lunch.

8. What is your favorite memory of going to the zoo as a kid?

I remember back in the day, you used to be able to ride the elephants. That was my favorite thing ever, I remember my mom holding me while we sat in this little saddle on top of this huge elephant and swaying side to side. It was amazing.

9. Do you visit the gift shop when you go to the zoo?

No. But I am a collector of hats. I have lots of hats and they are not normal hats, they are unique hats and I wear each hat for each occasion. I once brought my crocodile hat with me to the zoo once, and then my childhood dream came true. All these spoiled little kids crying to their parents that they too wanted a crocodile hat. Well guess what, spoiled rotten kid, you can’t have one. Because I bought it in San Antonio. So HAAAA!

10. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best and 1 being the worst) how nice is your city’s zoo?

I would honestly give it a 2. Because I don’t want it to fail but it really isn’t great at all.

Easy Living

How great would life be if it was easy? It’s hard for me to imagine life being that absolute perfect, but I’m sure if I tried really hard I would be able to come up with an easy life. But it’s the hardships that I enjoy, not because I am a masochist but because it’s the lessons that I learn from those hardships. It’s up to you to make what you want of it, and if you have a strong partner and you strive to make it better, your relationship will become stronger. But it’s the easy that I find boring. Yes, it would be great to have perfect weather, perfect relationships and all around perfect life, but then how would you know when it is good or bad?

Even though I appreciate the hardships doesn’t mean that I handle them well. It’s actually the opposite, sometimes since I have such a thick head it takes a while for some things to sink in, but when they do I feel like a wiser version of my previous self. For some reason everything just falls into place. And then everything is ok, but it’s that little moment of me in full confusion that I never know what to do with myself. I am able to experience a range of emotions, and I am grateful since I think some people walk around this world empty and have no idea what certain emotions feel like. But my emotions are strong, what can I say? I’m a Cancer. I feel every single emotion to my core and it can shake my world. A little earthquake at my center sends tremors through my body. Certain tremors hit faster than others, but there is no denying I feel that emotion. The most interesting part of me feeling emotions is my interactions with others.

I remember being a little girl and having such a horrifying dream that my grandparents had died in a very brutal way. I woke up screaming and crying. My mother didn’t really know how to handle me, and after holding me for what probably was half an hour, she finally called her parents at 1 am to have them tell me their selves they were in fact alive. I remember that calming me down and as well a sleeping pill to assist me in going back to sleep. But those are my emotions. I hold them under control for so long that when one hits and it’s too big for me to control there are time when I need assistance.

And this reason alone is what makes me understand why God created companions. It wasn’t just for a social reason but for surviving. There are some people in this world that would probably die without companions around. And I am not talking about ‘acquaintances’; I’m talking about family and friends. I don’t know what I would have done without my husband during some tough times I have gone through. Or my mother, she’s the main reason I have been able to make it this far in my personal rat race. My dad showed me ultimate love and the knowledge that there are good people out in this world, whether you trust them or not. My Annie, taught me to know that there are certain things that come with being a woman and to always hold my head up high. My Ma showed me the importance of being a lady in today’s world. My Papa showed me to not be afraid to show my feelings and to be strong. And all of my close friends for reminded me it’s always okay to show that I am not perfect.

I love that I have my own tribe that continues to help raise me into being the person I want to be. But it is also myself that has helped me in my coming of age and of who I want to be. It’s only me that can stand in my way. It’s only me that can keep me down in the mud. It’s only me that can keep me from soaring. And it’s only me that keeps my world from becoming too easy. And some might think I am crazy for allowing the hardships through, but I don’t care. I like having a variance to understand my life at it’s fullest.

A letter to myself.

Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I was in Chicago for my brother’s graduation from Navy Bootcamp (Hoo-Yah) and when I got back I got overloaded with work. So I am trying to catch up, but don’t you worry, I will be back on a regular basis very soon.

This post is a letter to my future self. Only time will tell if it does any good.

Dear Future Elizabeth,
Yes, one day you will have a child and it will be the light of your eye, but it is important to remember just a few things so you don’t become someone that you can’t stand. First, your child is not a genius, yet. Yes, there is full hope for your child to be at the top of their class and earn a scholarship to Ivy League and Cure Cancer and Aids and Diabetes, but as of now, your child’s job is to cry, eat, sleep and poop. It doesn’t take a genius to do that.

Second, it is not the greatest most amazing thing in the world when your child ruins a diaper. It really isn’t, and you know you can’t argue. Unless your child poops out nuggets of gold, they are just like every other kid. Don’t you remember when you were on the plane and the new parents behind you were throwing a party parade for their kid taking a dump? Yea, you aren’t that person.

Third, you don’t need every advertised thing on the planet to raise your kid. I am sure this is something that David will agree with in full and probably will be the hardest thing that you have to realize, but people have been raising children forever, without a specific blanket or toy or chair. It may help, but do you really want an item or product to be the reason you have a great kid, or do you want the reason to be you?

Fourth, put down the camera phone and take an actual picture with your camera. You are a good photographer; you have an art that some people strive for. Go get the camera, place the setting up, because you know how to do shots for infants, and then you take the best damn pictures anyone has ever seen. And understand that your kid will have a signature face, but that doesn’t mean you have to take the exact same picture 100 times. You should know better than that, and if you have the picture you want, put the camera down and enjoy your time with you little one while they are little.

Fifth, don’t forget to take video and to send it to your mother. I am sure there will be many requests for this when you have a child.

Sixth, nothing bad is going to happen if you are not with your child for longer than 10 minutes. I can see how this would be something really difficult for you, but I know you can overcome it. You husband will love that child just as much as you and even if he doesn’t have as much experience as you hold under your belt, it doesn’t mean he won’t love it as much or even try as hard. David will be a great dad, and you know you can’t argue with that.
Seventh, don’t forget to go play with your dogs. Before you had a kid you would go hang out with them every day after work. They haven’t forgot how they have been there for you when you needed them. So just remember to spend a little time with them to remind them how important they are to you.

Eighth, if you are having a really hard time keeping up with the house, it is ok to save up for a maid. You know you can afford it if you strive for it. Don’t feel pressured to be perfect to keep that big house up. Your most important job requires love, not a rag.

Ninth, don’t forget your goals. You are still a person with wants and it’s the goals that you place in front of you that always keeps you moving.

Tenth, go give your husband a kiss.

So there you go, future Elizabeth. There was a time when it was just you and David and you two were happy as could be, but one day you will have a kid and I am sure you will be wanting to pull your hair out because you don’t know what to do. I hope you remember that you wrote this for yourself, because I really think there is some good advice in here for you. And don’t worry, tonight you are going to go have a beer and hoop. There was a good solid time where you had carefree fun all the time. You’ll get that fun back one day.
Warmly,
Your past self.

Madre Day

This past mother’s day was such a great one, the only thing that we were missing was my little brother who is now in the Navy. But the weekend itself was really filled with a lot to do. On Friday night, I had to go into work to take care of a new ticketing system that we were releasing so going into work at 10 pm and staying up til 7 was not an easy task at all. I ended up going home and only being able to sleep til about 11 am. Let’s just say I was a Zombie on Saturday. But I held my cravings for brains since David’s Godson and his parents and our very good friends Pat and April came in town. I absolutely adore their little boy Trey, and if I do say so myself, he is just a cute little kid. I know that at some point people wonder what their future child will look like, but if we have a kid that is as cute as Trey, I am sure we would have the cutest baby ever. So we got to see them on Saturday and then head over to our friend’s Jon and Ben’s housewarming / birthday party. It was a nice time and we enjoyed ourselves, but only to head home around midnight because I really couldn’t stay up any longer. Sunday I was able to get a little bit more sleep to wake up and get ready to head to San Antonio. We packed the car up with presents and then headed our way in. We went to our parents place first and my Dad had decided to bar b que and boy does he know how to grill some meat.

But this Mother’s Day was really important to me, because for the first time in my life, I was able to do financially well for myself to save up and buy my mother a purse, but of course I wouldn’t buy her just any purse, so I got her a Dooney And Burke. I think I was more excited to give it to her than she was to get it herself. I was just beyond excited when it came time for presents. I wanted her to know that she really did deserve this and that it was my way of thanking her for being my mom. I was also lucky enough to have my Ma there and David and I gave her a lovely picture of us *Thanks Shutterbug!*

Also, for those that know me well, you know that my grandmother on my mom’s side passed away a bit ago and even though I still keep her in my heart, I have been very lucky to be given another grandmother in my life. It really is a long story of how that came across but my dad has had a best friend for most of his life, his best friend’s mother has really become part of our family and life has given me another grandmother. I love her so much and her name is Mrs. Rice. It really was the best thing ever to have her there for Mother’s day and I also got her a gift to thank her for being part of my life.

After a lovely lunch and catch up we went to go see David’s parents and celebrate Mother’s Day with his mother as well, but due to my crazy zombie schedule that I had no recovered from yet, we had to head home. But this Mother’s day really was such a lovely one. As much as David and I are looking forward to on becoming parents I know that becoming a Mother is something that will happen in my own time, but to understand the love of a child to a mother is something I am so grateful I have been able to fully understand before I become a parent, because by having such a great mom like mine, I can only hope I love my children as much as she loved me.

If I should have a daughter.

If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B, because that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I'm going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands, so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say, "Oh, I know that like the back of my hand." And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt here that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming, I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I've tried. "And, baby," I'll tell her, don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick; I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house, so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him." But I know she will anyway, so instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix. But that's what the rain boots are for. Because rain will wash away everything, if you let it. I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass-bottom boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind, because that's the way my mom taught me. That there'll be days like this. ♫ There'll be days like this, my momma said. ♫ When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape; when your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment. And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you. Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's swept away. You will put the wind in winsome, lose some. You will put the star in starting over, and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. "Baby," I'll tell her, "remember, your momma is a worrier, and your poppa is a warrior, and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things. And always apologize when you've done something wrong. But don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache, when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.